I grew up a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is a church that makes you feel peace, joy, love, and eternal hope. But I know as a flawed human there are so many times in my life that the church has left me feeling worried about my eternal salvation, that I’m not good enough, and that I will never be able to overcome my own weaknesses. I grew up having a fear that I was just not good enough to make it into the Celestial Kingdom.
I know this type of thinking is exactly what I’m NOT supposed to be feeling. This is the adversary taking over my thoughts and trying to keep me from progressing to my true potential. But man that adversary just really likes to get into my mind and morph all these beautiful gospel principles into ways of measuring me with all my family, friends, and neighbors.
It’s so frustrating and so lonely.
Sometimes in Relief Society sisters will share similar feelings that I’ve been having and for a moment I feel that I am not alone in trying to be perfect and then failing miserably every…single…time. But that inner dialogue comes back and soon I am back to thinking there really is something wrong with me.
I Am Not Alone
And then the best thing happened! I came across an amazing book called Confessions of a Molly Mormon. I sat down and started reading and I couldn’t put it down. The author, Elona K. Shelley was describing EXACTLY how I had been feeling for so many years. I cannot tell you the excitement, and enlightenment I had as she described her feelings and I realized that I AM NOT ALONE in how I am feeling.
And that is just what I needed. To know that I am not the only one struggling with things like scripture reading, prayer and temple worship. These basic Mormon principles that I have struggled with for so long were laid out right here in such an honest way. I am so grateful to Elona for writing her true feelings and being willing to open herself completely so that other women like me can find the strength in knowing that not only are we not alone in how we are feeling but there is a way out of feeling like this.
Open and Honest
In Elona’s book Confessions of a Molly Mormon, she talks about the struggles that she has had with loving God, the scriptures, prayer, keeping the Sabbath day holy, fasting, temple attendance, and serving your neighbors. I loved reading about her struggles and the way she described them. I laughed and cried while reading because I felt like I was talking to a friend that understood me so well.
And then Elona goes on to talk about how she overcame those struggles. Some that she had had most of her life. And all of the sudden I had hope. She was so much like me and if she could do it then I knew I could do it. The relationship that she developed with our Heavenly Father and Savior was so special to her.
If You Feel Like You Are Struggling
I know this is what Heavenly Father wants for all of His children. He doesn’t want us all to be feeling bad about ourselves and feeling like we could very possibly never make it back into His eternal arms. If you are someone that has ever felt like you struggle with any of these principles or that you could have a stronger relationship with Heavenly Father, then this book is for you. You can get a copy of Confessions of a Molly Mormon here.
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