How to Spot a Mormon
They’re everywhere. No matter where you go, who you are with, the Mormons are always out and about. You may think you know a Mormon when you see one- but you can never be sure. After all, they are “a peculiar people” So here are a few tips on how to spot a Mormon.
Good places to do this:
When going Mormon spotting, some good places to do it include grocery stores, parks, (Utah of course), museums, Disney anything, zoos, doctors offices, hospitals, etc.
Tips/Moves to use:
–Phrase-drop: Use phrases like “Zion”, “Funeral Potatoes”, “Studio C”, “Doctor Who”, “BYU”, “CTR”, “Jello Salad”, or “Temple Square”, even “Called to serve”. Also, as the wise Scott Hefernan said, ‘we’ll drop “the Adversary” like he’s a guy that lives down the street.’ Wanna get a REAL reaction? Slide the simple name “Jeffery R Holland” into a conversation. Yeah…that’ll turn some heads.
What to look for:
Big Bertha says it all. They come in packs. Mormons always have big families. If you see the 12 passenger van, A.K.A “Large ‘Marge”, “BMW” or “Big Bertha” out roaming the streets- that can mean only one thing- Mormons.
Spoon Spy- Ever seen a teenager out walking the streets with a spoon in their hand? Spoon Spy. It’s the legendary game all LDS seminary students know. When it comes to spoon spy, its every man for himself. You better watch your back.
The Gift of Tongues- Serving a LDS foreign language-speaking mission? Been there. Done that. Brother Heffernan put it even better: “The gift of tongues – You’ll notice the whitest dude you’ve ever seen speaking perfect Spanish at your local Alberto’s restaurant. This one’s a freebie.”
Nothing screams Mormons like this group of teens walking around in the desert. Trek, it’s the famous camp activity that every mormon dreams of- and whether you’re Mormon or not, you know it’s time to get -your- Mormon-on when you see these dapper young fellows hiking out in the wild. Trekkin’ it all the way to Zion, Pioneer style!
BYU. Everywhere. Does this even need an explanation?
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Who in the heck goes out on a Monday night? It’s not too often that you see families out on Monday nights, that’s a Friday night thing. But in the LDS community- Monday nights are the best nights. We’re always out lurking around town on Mondays. That’s the best night for Mormon spotting. What’s more fun than going out for Family Home Evening? You know it- we like to have a good time ALL the time.
Mormon coffee. Whether it’s Starbucks, Moxie Java, Dutch Bros- you name it! The Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints folks are constantly hittin’ the hot chocolate huts. And they call it- their Mormon Coffee. That’s right- we keep the W.O.W in style!
Steak center. No. Not the steak center. Lets just clear this one up now. If you hear the words “steak center”, don’t get too excited. It’s a “Stake center” where Mormons meets, not a “Steak center”.
People using substitute swear words like “fetch”, “shoot”, “gosh”, “shiz” or a plethora of other substitute swear words. There’s guaranteed to be a Mormon in that group.
Those are just a few tips to get you going.
And remember:
If you don’t spot the Mormons…the Mormons…will spot YOU.
“Knock, knock!”
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