“I don’t think we should date any more, because I prayed about it and you’re just not right for me”
This is a phrase that is used countless times throughout the year by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints throughout the world and in my opinion is one that needs to be used less frequently. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe it to be ok and in fact something we all need to do when we are in a serious relationship and wanting to find confirmation as to whether or not we should marry an individual.
However, one thing we shouldn’t do is use God as a cop out as to why we don’t want to go on a date with someone or when we are just not interested in someone any longer. Here’s the problem. Imagine there’s a lady, we’ll call her “Girl A” and she goes around and starts to a date a guy and after only three dates the guy says “I’m sorry, I’ve prayed about it and you’re not the one”. So she moves on and a few months later starts hanging out with another guy and she asks him on a date and he replies with the same answer before they even start dating. Lastly she goes and after hanging out with a guy for a while he actually “proactively” comes to her and says, “I know you probably have feelings for me but I just wanted to let you know that I’ve already prayed about it and you’re just not the one for me” even though she wasn’t actually ever interested in dating him, she just viewed him as a friend.
Want to take a guess at how this is making Girl A feel right now? (btw, this is a true story that actually did occur). When every guy she is dating or hanging out with is telling her that God told them she is just not the one, she is naturally going to start to feel that God is the one rejecting her, not the individuals and therein lies the problem. I can’t tell you how many variations (the reverse happened to me countless times before I got married) to this story I’ve heard over the years and because of the frequency of it, I feel like it is something that we need to stop.
Even if you do pray about someone and get a bad feeling about it, own the decision. Don’t use God as the scapegoat to a decision you had already decided prior to praying. The only time you should use the “I prayed about it but God told me this is not right” line is when you really want to be with the person but you keep on getting a bad feeling about it. If YOU don’t want to date someone any longer or don’t want to go on a date with them, just tell them that YOU don’t want to date. Don’t hide behind God and and use Him as a shield and throw your hands up in the air as if you had no control over the situation and say “well I prayed about and there is really nothing I can do about it.”
Dating is already hard enough. Rejection is super tough to deal with by itself without having to add in the God rejection element. Most people’s success rate at dating is awful. I literally went on hundreds of dates before I found the right person for me (which I’m eternally grateful by the way). That equates to less than a 1% success rate which equates to a lot of rejection.
I’ve been on the other end where I had to tell someone that I didn’t want to date them but I told them. It wasn’t easy or fun but it was the truth. The truth wasn’t that God didn’t want me to date them, I didn’t want to date them.
So if you are dating someone or someone is interested in you but you are not interested in them, MAN UP (or WOMAN UP)! Don’t use a cop out because you don’t want to deal with a difficult decision of telling someone you are not interested in them any longer, just tell them.