“What is your girlfriend? Indian? Something like that?”
No better way to start off a Thanksgiving dinner than with a wild generalization that is probably not even remotely true.
“Hey (girl/boyfriend of relative), why aren’t you comfortable?”
Uh, they are probably uncomfortable because they are surrounded by a lot of strangers, many of whom they are trying to impress. Nothing makes an uncomfortable moment more uncomfortable than singling out an outsider in a family setting, pointing out how uncomfortable they are. Thanks Captain Obvious.
“Is that all you’re going to eat?”
Besides the fact that there are a bazillion different reasons for someone not to eat i.e. they may have dietary issues or maybe your food tastes awful, no need to create a potentially awkward situation when you didn’t have to.
Avoid all “Millennial” bashing.
This includes but is not limited to
– Asking why they are not married
– Asking why they are not pregnant yet
– Asking when they are finally going to get off their butts and get a job
– Telling them about how back in your day, the way you did things was better. No one wants to hear about how lazy you think they are because you can’t figure out what a Bitcoin is.
Don’t say “I’ve been trying to avoid not eating ______ for ________ reasons”
This is actually the opposite of “is that all you’re going to eat.” There are a ton a different reasons why you may be avoiding certain foods but no one wants to hear your passive aggressive stance of why your dietary habits are better than theirs. This is neither the time nor place.
“Are you sure you want to eat that?”
Very similar to the statement right above this one.
I’ll pass on that…I want to be able to fit into my pants tomorrow
First of all, you’re basically saying that everyone who does eat the food you’re passing on is a big old giant pig that has no self control. Secondly, I have gorged myself plenty of times over the years. Never once did I not fit into my clothing the next day because of a meal. Now, if you take the entire holiday season and put it together, that may be a whole different story but they’ll survive one meal.
Say anything to bring up a discussion to show your moral/intellectual superiority over everyone else in attendance
Really, no one cares about your politics or opinion on super touchy subjects today. If it’s a hot button issue more than likely there is a valid argument for both sides so just go ahead and check your ego at the door.
Hey Bob, pull my finger
Dude!!! First of all, what are we 5? Who still does this? Secondly, it’s Thanksgiving dinner… no one cares for your flatulence jokes at meal time.
You guys fixed the bathroom vent right?
TMI dude, TMI!
