1. “You’re so boring.”

funny mormon memes (5)

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2. “Come on, live a little.”
 Uh…I am… What do you think I do all day.  Alcohol doesn’t have a monopoly on having a good time.


3. “All I want is to see you drunk.”
Clearly this is not happening so sorry to burst your little dream of yours.  Plus, if that’s all you want in life, it’s time to lift those goals a tad bit higher…

your goals are bad


4. “I’m going to get you to drink.”
Seriously???  You’re not going to get me to drink just like I’m not going to get you not to drink so just stop…You have a better chance of dying in an Asteroid Apocalypse than getting me to drink so just stop already.

Stop stop stop


5. “Is it for religious reasons?”
Does it matter?  Regardless of whether I’m not drinking because of my religion or I’m a recovering alcoholic (or both), it’s just none of your business.

it's none of your business

6. “How are you doing this right now sober?”
Hmmm…when does speaking with another human being at a social event become a death defying feat?  Maybe you should revisit point #3 again.

7. “Do you think you’re better than us?”
No…I simply just don’t want a drink.  My desire of not drinking isn’t a measure of my moral superiority any more so than me not wanting to eat that incredibly greasy Spam sandwich you had for lunch is.

8. “So what do you do then if you don’t drink?”
The same thing that you do…just minus the alcohol.  Such things as go to parties, visit with friends and family, go cliff jumping…the choices are really endless.

bungee jumping

9. “Don’t you feel like you’re missing out?”
       Uh…I’ve seen people wasted and lets just say I’m going to pass on that.


10. “Don’t be lame!”
What, are we five?  Using childish threats of being uncool is so 20 years ago…
don't care

11. “Your not drinking makes it hard for me to relate to you.”
Maybe you should put in a little bit of effort to actually get to know me…I’m sure there are plenty of things we would relate on somewhere.

12 “But really, why don’t you? Won’t you? Please?” You can keep asking, but the answer is going to remain no. I’m just going to get more annoyed when you say it.


This post is an edited version of a post from Esquire Magazine 22 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T DRINK