Is the title a bit of an overstatement? Of course it is. No one is 100% responsible for all of their successes or failures. There are countless individuals, organizations and groups that all play various factors in our lives that can have an impact for good or for bad. Having said all this, why do I still live my life with the mindset that I am 100% responsible for what happens to my life? It’s because it allows me to better view how I can change any outcome in my life that I currently don’t like. When I don’t have the mindset I am responsible for what happens to me in my life, I end up chalking it up to fate, destiny or some other outside influence out of my control. By having this mindset, I then become complacent with my life for good or for bad.
There is a business consulting group in Boston that has a company mindset that companies are run exactly as they are designed to be. When companies come to them with a list of problems that they need help fixing, they don’t view those issues as problems, but rather they view them as a natural consequence of how the company is running. They don’t make judgments good or bad on those outcomes but instead of treating the symptom, they attack the fundamental assumptions that lead to those outcomes.
I have taken this same mindset and applied it to my home life. My family life (outcome) is exactly as it is designed to be. If there are aspects in my family life that we don’t like or would like to change, we find the underlying assumptions, or factors that are leading us a _______ outcome. If we are fighting all the time, it’s because there is something within our family structure that is leading to that outcome. If we want to change the outcome (fighting) then we need to change the underlying assumptions that are causing it i.e. financial, taking perspective, extended family, other stresses etc.
Now obviously there are going to be times in which we’ll find ourselves in situations that are outside of our control. But this shouldn’t cause us to flinch, but rather focus our energies on the areas where we can make those changes. This idea is not meant to be a 100% correct statement because it’s not. However, if you really feel deep down inside that you are 100% responsible for the outcomes in your life, you will be better at finding ways to make the necessary changes to change any unwanted outcomes in that life. Many times it takes persistence and many years of trying or at least understanding what the underlying assumptions are, but as we continue to fight to make those changes, we’ll ultimately see the outcomes that we want in our lives.
One reason why I’m writing this post is because many times you hear successful individuals (spiritually, emotionally, or financially) give the same advice. I’ve heard many individuals after hearing some of their success stories make the comment “Well that’s easy to say when you _______ (are a millionaire, have a perfect family, don’t come from the ghettos etc.)”
Well I’m not a millionaire and we have a laundry list of struggles, challenges that we are facing just like everyone else. But I’m 100% confident as we continue with this mindset that we are 100% responsible for the successes and failures of our family, we’ll have the mindset and ability to make the necessary changes to change those unwanted outcomes that we see.