Here’s a little list of 11 things that stay at home moms are tired of hearing. For those of you women who work, don’t worry we’ll be coming up with a list for you as well here in a few days. So without any further delay…
1. What do you do with all that free time?
2. It must be nice not to have to work.
3. When the kids get older, do you think you’ll get a real job?
4. Oh, so that’s why your child is so clingy and needy.
5. Do you have to ask your husband for money?
6. How does it feel to have wasted your degree?
7. Weird. I assumed your house would be super clean.
8. When do you plan to return to your career?
9. I could never do what you do. I’d die without adult conversation.
10. If you had a job you would understand.
11. Well since you don’t work, could you do w, x, y and z for me today?
Go Beckett!
So on point! 🙂
Please don’t forget those of us who have no children and who have jobs. We often to get asked to do lots of things because we “don’t have children to fill our time” Excuse me? Or better yet, the whole “we must have picked our career over children/marriage/etc”. (see Merida’s picture)
@juliaandersen:disqus, don’t worry…we have another post coming for you guys as well as mentioned at the top of the post. 🙂
You read Julia’s post wrong. She specifically said childless women who work, not mothers who work.
Amen Sister! I can’t have kids, and am a stay at home wife, and people assume i am just twiddling my thumbs waiting by the phone for them to call and ask me to do X,Y, and Z! Like I don’t have a lot of other things to do with my time such as 2 callings and watching my nephews twice a week! I think women in generl need to stop judging the choices of others and “assuming” anything. No one knows why a person is doing what they are doing and if they are happy then why not just leave them be? Some are happy at home some are happy at work, and some are in between.
7 is spot on Kara! Perfect picture! lol
No. 5 is kinda funny 😀
#2, It must really be nice to not have to work. You get the pleasure of staying with your kids all day, do fun activities with them, not have to leave them sobbing because you have to go to work. You get to do all kinds of things like play dates with the other stay-at-home mothers, go to the zoo when there is still light out. Our daughter would be potty trained by now, but my wife has to work so she can’t devote as much time to helping her out. If you get offended when someone says this, take it as a compliment. Many mothers realize that taking care of kids all day is work, but it is very fulfilling and many of the other women who state that truly mean that you are blessed because that is what they would like to be doing.
I’m afraid you have missed the point of #2, Zach. The point is that MOTHERHOOD IS WORK, AND A LOT OF IT. It would be a bit less inflammatory if people chose to say, “I must be nice to have to not worry about a paying career”, but nobody does. Instead, they say, “It must be nice not to have to work” which is a little ignorant and insulting. It is not meant to discount the difficulties of women who are mothers who do have paying careers.
its not against the rules for YOU to stay home and take care of the children, its not fair for you to scold women who go on with their careers. If you are not willing to put your career on hold for your children, how can you ask the same of your wife?
I actually stayed home with my daughter for the first eight months of
her life since my wife had the better job, but I did have to return to
work to pay the bills. I would love to be a stay at home dad and I
wouldn’t get offended if people told me that it must be nice to not have
to work. It would be nice. I could play with my child, help her through
her afflictions, have time to take her places like the zoo or the water
park, but I don’t have that time because I have to ‘work’ outside of
the home. Everyone who has kids knows that it is work and they aren’t
saying that you have it easy if you get to stay at home, but remember
that there are many mothers (and fathers) who don’t get that privilege
even though they really want it. And getting all hurt because you choose
to take what people tell you negatively is really insulting to those
mothers who do have to work. Get over yourselves and don’t get offended
when people make the statement that it must be nice not to have to work outside of the home.
Why not try looking on the positive side of things and be grateful for
the opportunities that you have because it must be nice not to have to
work.
I too hate the,”It must be nice” comments. Don’t assume stay at home moms/dads are financially well off. You too have the potential to be a stay at home dad. It’s called “downsize”. My husband and I made sacrifices, we lived an 800 square foot home, drove one compact car, had no cable etc. We made it work. So for those of you who complain that you can’t afford it, be honest with yourselves, most of you really mean you can’t afford to live without the luxuries your current life offers.
Love it!! So perfect!
Being a teacher I have the privilege of experiencing the “stay at home” side for a period of time in the summer. I absolutely agree that being a stay at home mom is tiring and a lot of work! However, I don’t always feel that stay-at-moms appreciate some of the flexibility they have. Being able to schedule doctor appts (anytime), grocery shopping at times other than the weekends or late at night, the occasional playdate where you get to speak to another adult while your children play. Again, I’m not saying the stay at home job is easy, but please admit you have flexibility. If you do not complete a task around the house, you will not be reprimanded (like a boss would). Certain tasks can wait so that you might actually enjoy a night of TV/movie with your husband. No one wins this topic, but I do get irritated with those who stay home and frequently complain about their life.
Please tell me how a stay at home mom, can schedule a Dr. appt “anytime”? My husband who works is able to do that, he can just leave work and go to an appt. I have to find childcare for 3 children. Unless you know of a way that I can get my teeth cleaned or get a pap with my children with me?? 🙂 I felt like I had more flexibility pre-children. But, maybe that’s me? And I’m not complaining, I love my life!
I’ve actually taken my children to both of those appts. because we can’t afford extra hours at the sitter. I mostly meant you are able to take a sick kid to doctor as necessary and schedule well check-ups without losing out on pay.
That flexibility is not there for every stay at home mom. And it helps when you have two cars. Try single car family scheduling. Making sure Daddy can get to work on time and you get the car on the days you have appointments usually means either getting up really early, and stuffing sleepy, hungry kids in the car to take him there and drop him off, hauling the kids in and out of the car multiple times during the day and then going back to pick daddy up (sometimes after the kids’ bedtimes, because he’s had to work overtime that day).
So, I’m just going to c/p my reply to pieces of your post, if you don’t mind.
“Being able to schedule doctor appts (anytime)” – I don’t know about everyone else’s school, but it’s becoming more and more difficult to schedule “flexibly”. There’s testing they can’t miss, there’s classes that are MUSTS and there’s after-school activities that are mandatory. Forgive me for not thinking it’s as “easy” or “flexible” as some might think. It’s not. Sorry.
“grocery shopping at times other than the weekends or late at night” – Those happen to be the only time I get to shop too. I’d rather not disrupt nap schedules or miss dropping off/picking up my children from school/activities…aside from the fact that I’d have to pay someone to do that, too. Again, not flexible.
“the occasional playdate where you get to speak to another adult while your children play” – I’m failing to see how playdates can’t/don’t happen on the weekends…or maybe they do and the speaking with another adult doesn’t happen? Maybe I’m new.
“If you do not complete a task around the house, you will not be reprimanded (like a boss would)” – Unfortunately, there are some males out there that DO reprimand and don’t offer help…just berate. I’m very fortunate to not have one of those, but still, to assume that’s a flexible thing. There’s also the parents that have special needs kids that, even though there’s no reprimanding, there’s the necessity of it…and the ‘incidents’ that happen that are worse than reprimands…that mommy guilt that happens is 10x’s worse.
Now that I’ve spoken my peace on that…maybe you’re right…we do have it easier or more flexible. Does the admission help?
Doesn’t anyone understand gospel principle of not judging anyone? For any reason? Or assuming that they have free time, more ability to serve, or the financial ability to provide because they are stay at home moms? Christ looks on the heart. Why are we not getting the message? Why as a church not understanding that we waste time and energy judging how others live their lives? Sometimes it’s not a choice, sometimes it is heartbreaking, and divides us. I want to improve myself, and need help and support, not hurtful, second guessing. And I am a grandma! People can’t understand why I don’t have a job. It does get old.
I still think many of these are legitimate questions…
i am a stay-at-home-mom whose 3 children are now grown – let me break this down
#1 – what free time? babies take every minute between cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, carpooling, sewing, etc. etc. etc. ….all usually done while holding said babies
#2 – don’t get me started about real work – this is weight lifting, stair running, poop wiping, vomit cleaning,…..i better stop there – and usually on little or no sleep
#3 – a real job? oh no you didn’t
#4 – annoyed-overly-busy mom sees it as clingy, i see it as bonding – rather have a clingy child who knows he/she has my attention when there is a problem to be solved, than one who feels worthless, and has to try to raise himself
#5 – if the marriage is a real partnership, there are no ‘permission’ moments – there are discussions about priorities, because the money belongs to both – most husbands would be hard pressed to pay a mother for what her WORK at home is really worth
#6 – education is never wasted – and there isn’t a better classroom than the home
#7 – clean and spotless are two different things – and spotless and happy are also very different – not to mention the hundreds, if not thousands, of ‘happys’, when a child learns a new chore and is proud of his/her accomplishment
#8 – this IS my career – we were willing to sacrifice, and live on one income (children don’t have a concept of rich or poor unless they are taught it), and i will do more for society and my own posterity by being right where i am, than anywhere else – the only accolades i get or even need are those arms around my neck and those sweet kisses on my cheek … and the excitement in those little eyes because they learned to balance on one foot … or learned all the words to “I love you. You love me.” (yes, Barney was allowed in our home) … or could crack an egg without losing any of the shell … or finally got to take the training wheels off the bike … or learned to braid hair because i had time to sit there and let her practice on me … or beamed with earned pride, as he presented me with a masterpiece of paint and crayons … or … or … or ……….
#9 – adult conversation…..there is a lifetime for that – there are too few adults willing to have ‘child conversation’ – and children should never have to feel like they are useless because they haven’t finished growing
#10 – see #3
#11 – see #10 – and then realize that most of w, x. y, and z is fluff – and if i’m going to invite fluff into my life, it will be for my own family – eliminating the fluff is what has allowed us to budget, and be happy with the blessings of family instead things, which in the end really is just fluff
and it is all done with a mother’s love, in a safe home, where teaching is consistent, where values are in place, and where we determined the rules and boundaries based on those values – but most of all, where children know that there is nothing more important to the parents than they are
(by the way, three-year-olds don’t need the confusion of 5 different ‘bosses’ throughout the day, each with different expectations)
NOW….are there those who really do need to be away from their children for work? yes!!!
but stop belittling all that is done by those of us who are home, either because of personal sacrifice or a stroke of luck – we are not lower, nor are we less educated than you
Beautiful memes. People are trying to be interested in others without actually thinking when they way those things… Like, “Why don’t you have any kids?” Do you REALLY want to know? Yuck! Like it’s your business? I feel like making up horrible stories to tell but usually just find something to distract everyone. Darn that car alarm!
Agree with Zach. So tired of seeing these “cry me a river” posts show up on Facebook. I could care less if you do or don’t work. My wonderful wife works and is a great mommy but you don’t see non -stop article postings of our sacrifice. Get over yourselves and quit being the traditional lds clicks that drive members away.
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